Cast your eye through the reams of unread emails currently rattling around your personal inbox and you’ll see a string of subject lines resembling break-up texts.
If your inbox is anything like mine in the run-up to GDPR coming into effect on 25 May, then your inbox will be bursting with subject lines like: “is it really over,” “no more secrets between us,” “please don’t go,” “don’t let this be goodbye,” and “let’s be friends.”
Nope it’s not our thirsty exes that have come a-calling: It’s GDPR knocking at our door. Or, rather, brands complying with Europe’s new General Data Protection Regulation by asking us if we’d like to remain subscribed to their emails.
I’m not the only one who senses these brands’ desperation to keep us on their mailing lists. People have been taking to Twitter to share some of the emails they’ve received.
Plaintive subject lines in GDPR emails are my jam. Today: “Please don’t go”; “Stay with us”; “Goodbye!”; “We’d love to stay friends”
— Sathnam Sanghera (@Sathnam) May 22, 2018
As Kerry Purcell put it, the subject line of his email inbox “increasingly reads like a scorned lover.”
The subject line of my email inbox increasingly reads like a scorned lover: ‘I’ll miss you’, ‘Please don’t go’, ‘It’ll be sad to lose you’, ‘Please stay in touch’, ‘Let’s stay friends’. I’m just waiting for the email headed, ‘I’ve burned all your books you bastard.’ #GDPR
— Kerry William Purcell (@Kerrypurcell) May 21, 2018
While the tone of these emails is clearly grovelling and reminiscent of every post-breakup text we’ve received from former loves, many of us are revelling in the opportunity to unsubscribe from the countless mailing lists we never signed up to.
Revenge is a dish best served cold. All these grovelling emails from companies begging me to opt back into their silly newsletters😛😛 god bless whoever pushed through GDPR legislation.
— Austin (@AustinDarbo) May 18, 2018
My excitement for GDPR to come in on Friday is immense – can’t wait for all these unoriginal companies to sod off with their ‘this doesn’t have to be goodbye’ / ‘we’re sorry to see you go’ emails!!!!! I’m not sorry to leave your stupid mailing list I’ve unsubscribed to 12 times!
— Rebecca Jane (@LadyDetectives1) May 23, 2018
And, the wonderful thing is that in most cases you don’t need to lift a finger to unsubscribe. Magic or what?
Now, if only there were a GDPR equivalent for cutting all our exes out of our lives for good.